i would hope that you are smart enough to know that people deal with death in different ways and if you had taken any time to read the blogs on this site then you would see that andy is dealing with his fathers death in a positive way… he is letting his emotions out and putting them out there for anyone in the world to see… i can only hope that you never have to feel the pain and heartache that comes when someone is ripped unjustifiably from this earth by a disease that is as close to evil incarnate as anything can be… not everyone is able to just “move on” the way a numb stoner might be able to… and you are dead on with one point that you made, making a blog will not bring him back but it does allow a person to mourn the way they have to…and since you doled out some advice i would say that my advice to you would be if your not interested in what andy has to say stay away from his site and let people who want to hear what he has to say be able to read his writings without the arrogance and iggornance from what i can only imagine is a drain on our society and a future tax burden to us all

i know that your father being sick affected many… i know that because i too have lost a father… but not just that a best friend who taught me the world and how to take it on… i was fortunate enough to have worked with him side by side for many years… learning from him, watching and listening to all the advice he had to say and thankfully that experience has made the man that i am today… i would not trade the world for the the time that i was able to spend wiht him…my father was a man whos spirit was as unstoppable as his love of his “art” and his love of his family…

pain cannot express the emotions that i know i felt when my father died… living every day when he was sick knowing that he may die was a feeling that i would not wish upon anyone, no matter how they have wronged me…

hope is a funny thing when you think about it… blind hope can get you through anything, along with some adreniline… there are two times that stick out in my mind when i was with my dad when he was sick that i want to share with you because maybe you can relate…

once i was in the hospital when he had a cancer related emergency and needed immediate surgury… very scared my family and i waited to hear back that after numerous dilorden and morphine shots that he was finally able to go to surgury… what a relief… but with that relief came a feeling of “what if this is it? what if dad dosent make it out?… then what?” thankfully he madeit … but the part that sticks out in my mind was my fathers cheerfullness when i was the only one around talking to him after surgury… he took my hand and squezzd with all his might and he said…” see, we’re gonna get through this okay” i knew full well that we were millimeters from the worst, but we made it… got through that one on adreniline…

the other time was when i was going to my girlfriends house and i was sitting with him and talking with him and at this point the cancer was winning and i knew it,… my whole family knew it but no one said a word… he was having trouble breathing and couldnt muster up but one word answers… as i was leaving i said “you know i love you dad” as if he didnt know… “son, there is no dought in my mind that you love me” was his response… those were the last words i ever spoke to my father while he was alive… and for him to have the strength to say all of that showed me how strong he truly was…

and andy i do have something in common with you besides the death of a father… i too never showed him the utter fear that i felt everyday when he was sick… fear that made me cry for hours.. and andy the good part for you was that you had someone you could cry on… i had a girlfriend at the time but i was always too proud to let anyone see me cry… so i would cry alone in my room, go for a drive by myself and pull off into a parking lot and cry, cry so hard that it hurt my stommach… cry so hard that i actually made noise! but i knew i had to be strong for my family because i wouldnt want them to see me like that… and to this day my girlfriend has only see me cry twice… once at the hospital where he died, and the other time at the funeral… but thats not to say that i havent cried so hard it hurt ever again… every few months it comes back to me… and i go off alone………………

but andy i do feel your pain and know that i am here along with you walkinig side by side even if you dont see me there…

one more thing, i never thanked you for what you did helping your father like that… i am certain that the people you know well were very proud of you and only they will know how you truly feel….

-youll know-