Victim of Cancer

Do not fight the emotions. So many people during the course after my father passed away claimed that things would be better in a year. WRONG. Things were not better, I did not forget about the hardships and the love of my dad, my father was not a figment of my imagination that now only existed in the deep chambers of my mind after a year.

After a year, everything that had happened still felt so real and fresh, i remember thinking it would change, I remember thinking to myself and yelling at God,

OK I have had enough, its time to stop this and bring my father back.

The most memorable experience was when I was working at a restaurant for a part time job over the summer. I was having a rough time, my fathers two year anniversary was fast approaching and I had seen a dad and son out to dinner together and it just frustrated me, I felt robbed, I felt my time was not enough, I felt that I was short changed and I should have been the one to be out to dinner with my father, seeing him laugh and enjoying life and I could have been the son out to eat with his dad, enjoying the moment and his company.

I started to cry, I was upset and I needed a break, something to get out of the whirlwind I felt I was spinning in. I asked my manger for a break with tears running down my face. My manger looks at me and says …

Why are you still upset. Its been almost two years

Those words ring in my memory like the day my father passed away. I was so taken back, those words even came from a man who lost his father, so I would have assumed he would be more compassionate to me. I felt insulted and not worthy of the grime that layer my shirt. I remember walking away, crying, furiously upset over my father and the fact that I thought there was something wrong with me still missing him. I felt for days like I was wrong, like I was a outcast, like I should not mention this because people would think that I am weird for still mourning or that I was using my fathers death as an excuse to get out of work or something. I felt like a terrible person.

My managers word pierced my heart and soul. It took so long to get over that. Now I know better, my emotions were fine, in fact, the fact that I still remember my father and miss him so dearly I think is a great thing. However, being young and insecure and uncertain I thought there was really something wrong with me.