Day 2
Day two… so many highs and lows. I remember my cousin came over my house to make up an ‘I love you will’, just a simple will that gave my mother everything in case my father passed away. Yeah we didn’t even have a will until two days before my father passed away. The things that make their way to the back burner in life, sometimes they are the most important things.
I remember this day so vividly. This was the last day I heard my father laugh.. the last time I saw him able to stand… the last time I saw him as himself. At this point the cancer was destroying his body, making its way through his lungs and up his spine and into his brain.
That night he was suffering so bad, he could barley breath, it was just raspy breathes that would sneak out of his dried thirsty lips and even his lips looked like they hurt. But in the day, during the day he was in high spirits. My mom, brother and I sat around my dad on the couch, we were watching Eddie Izzard, the stand up comedian, he was one of my dads favorites. The best part was to hear him still say some of the lines and laugh and you could tell by his face that he was so happy to have us all together.
I remember being happy that we where all together. The day before scared me soo bad, I had no idea how he would wake up on Saturday. To my surprise he could walk, well he could run quick and the pain would not be as severe. Or he just could bare it. I don’t know, but I still kept getting tricked into thinking maybe he was getting better. I kept falling into that false hope that he would get better. I could not think of him dealing with this and I knew my dad was a fighter and he would never give up.
That night he just lay in bed, I don’t even remember what he did, I just remember him staring up at the ceiling, body stiff and his mind filled probably with nasty thoughts as the cancer noticeable started to affect his mind and consensus. It is like a nightmare thinking back being with my father in the morning and he had his wits about him and by the night he is just passing in and out and barely comprehending what is going on.
The last thing I remember of the night is going in and saying good night with my mom sleeping on the chair next to him. I remember as I look up at pictures above my computer is that damn smirk… I miss seeing him smile behind his bushy mustache.
